An Old fashioned Relationship
Recently I realized my relationship with a Filipina seems strikingly similar to the relationship my parents had.
This whole train of thought began when a Facebook friend of mine made the following comment on his page:
“Thinking how tough these girls are here. No power no problem, they know how to cook using sticks and charcoal. No toilet paper ,they can use a tabo. No washing machine ,they know how to use buckets and hands and even the toilet. Don’t have tons of money, most are easy to please being a simple people. These girls are strong willed yet so soft hearted and feminine. That’s a woman for me. That’s someone I want to serve and cherish.”
Well,,, he did happen to post this on his personal page on which he had “western women friends” and the reaction from some of them made me laugh. Among them were comments like: “Be careful…you might have us western gals unfriending you” and “I can do all of those things you mentioned . Stop stereotyping.” The resentful reactions of western women was not unexpected to me , but really showcased why I had given up on a relationship with a western woman and set my sights on the Philippines.
The author of the initial post went on and explained some things that struck a few nerves in me:
These people are happy because what they have, functions. It isn’t perfect, but parts click together and work.
If our culture worked or our dynamics were functioning I wouldn’t have instincts that declared otherwise. What drives a man to love, lead and serve is missing in our country. Growing up we have been taught a lie on how things….could work…in a so called modern relationship .
But it produces men so weak women don’t respect then and woman so hard men don’t desire them.”
The thought process on the subject, now primed in my brain caused me some hours of deep thought, and this is what I came up with.
So where did all this leave me?
Then an amazing thing happened. I discovered the Philippines and the wondrous creatures called Filipinas.
Today the realationship I have with the women I love is similar in to that of my parents, both good and bad. The best part is that I have absolutely no doubt that my wife will be with me through thick and thin and for the right reason, love. With my parents, though I certainly believe that love was the main driving factor behind the longevity of their relationship, there was an issue of codependency based on the fact that my mother was never employed. Sometimes during their arguments, my mother was consumed with insecurity based on here fear of being unable to work and earn her own living, as well as possibly a sense of worthliness if her role of nurturer was taken away. My wife has a great career and earns more than enough money to be self sufficient, so the same insecurities do not guide her approach to our relationship or any dispute resolution process between us. Like my parents did, we also have clearly defined roles. I fit comfortably into the “protector” role, and even though my wife earns her own living, I do take the lead in overall guidance of the family finances. Shirley on the other hjand nurtures and pampers me. Even though she works all day, the minute we walk in the house I go into lazy spoiled mode. My cloths get dropped wherever I take them off, I sit at the table to read or on the couch to watch TV, and my meal miracoulously appears in front of me a short while later. After I eat, I leave the dirty dishes on the table and somehow they end up cleaned. The next morning I get up, go to my closet and there are clean cloths folded neatly ready to wear. Later, we clim into bed, snuggle,(or more) and fall blissfully to sleep.
On the negative side, just like my parents, we often take each other for granted. We complain about the failings of each rather than the accomplishments and focus on what the other could or should be doing better rather than focussing on the many things that we actually do great. I believe what we both struggle with is acceptance. What I try and do, with limited success I admit, is remember why she was so attractive to me in the first place, and usually come to the conclusion that if she was good enough to fall in love with to begin with just as she was, she is worth continuing to love exactly as she is now. The reality is always that she is the same woman, and the only real thing that has changed is how I look at her. The other negative thing we sometimes fail at is making life exciting. We fall into those boring routines, I so despised my parents relationship for, but there is no one to blame for that except myself, and it is real easy to change. All it takes is an attitude that today I will live life to the fullest and appreciate everything around me.
So here I am, in a relationship beyond my wildest dreams, but one that resembles the relationship my parents had. It is satisfying and it brings me the joy so elusive all my life in my quest for a meaningful relationship with a western woman. How did this happen? The simple answer is I found a woman from a culture which is less pre-occupied or confused with the concepts of feminism and equality and more with old fashioned principle of both parties contributing to a mutually beneficial union. I have to say that it is my opinion now that we got it wrong in the west. We somehow arrogantly thought that we could tear down the walls of of man – woman relationships, start from scratch and build a better model, however all we did was make a mess of it. What we built didn’t work for either party, and now some of us men have decided we have had enough and moved back to women of a culture who are still satisfied with the old fashioned way we in western society threw out.
I know that once I share this articles there will be some negative comments and I believe it will come from several distinct groups. I will be blunt to those people and I will not concern myself with being socially or politically correct while doing so.
- Western Women – There will be a pile of you who feel anger and resentment towards me and my ilk who have cast you off as undesirable relationship material, and probably direct those feelings towards me for vocalizing why I persoanlly have looked elsewhere for my happiness. Well, too bad for you. Wake up, face the fact that the concept of relationships in the west is severely broken , and that you are every much to blame as us men. Maybe its time to take a long look in the mirror to see what your responsibility is in that situation, and stop blaming us for everything
- Men who have not found happiness with western women and have just sat around wallowing in self pity. You probably will claim that we who are with a Filipina are deviants who are robbing the cradle and most of your crap comments will be based solely on jealousy because we have what you don’t. Well man up guys! Grow a set of balls and take the leap. there have been many of us who have and gone out and found relationships that work. You can too and ps,,, the majority of us are not involved with Filipinas because we were after sex with hot younger chicks. I will say though for some of us it a great little side benefit for some of us.
- Men who have made poor choices with the Filipnas and now claim all Filipinas are just blood sucking gold diggers. Well to you guys, if you got into a bad one,I would hazard an educated guess and say you most likely made some unwise choices. If you are able to be anything close to honest with yourself, you will probably see that you should take responsibility for ignoring some pretty obvious red flags. Once you man up and do that, you might possibly be able to learn from those mistakes so that if you have the balls to climb on the horse again, you might make a better choice.