Girls and Relationships in the Philippines

Shortly after coming to the Philippines for the first time in 2010 and discovering that a wide range of attractive girls were interested in me, I started to feel very confused. What are these girls really offering? I asked myself. Sure they are sexually willing, but what kind of relationships can you honorably have out here in the land of sun and sand?
For many months I was unable to answer those questions satisfactorily but now I feel much more clear headed about the whole situation. Basically there are three simple sexual options in the Philippines, dependent on what you, the traveling male, is looking for.

Two of the options in the Philippines are quite easy to deal with.

The first revolves around the good guy who is clearly interested in one kind of relationship only, marriage. I can’t promise that he will have an easy time fulfilling his dream but it is certainly a very realistic one which many men have lived through and the chances of this kind of traveller finding happiness are good, because there are definitely a lot of girls in the Philippines who desperately want the same thing: a reliable, safe, permanent marriage.
The second option is decidedly less salutary. This one pivots around the guys who come to Philippines for a maximum dose of meaningless sex with as many girls as possible. Both of these elements are equally important: lots of sex, say at least once a day, sometimes more often, and lots of different girls. We are not talking any kind of monogamy here, not even of the most temporary kind. I have personally met too many men who make it a rule to never sleep with the same girl twice, which seems to me to be the ultimate waste of a night’s closeness – surely it must sometimes get better with familiarity – but that is their choice.
I am not going to make moral judgment about these witless men who career around abusing simple girls for a minimum of pleasure. I have to acknowledge that their shortsighted goal is easily achieved – much easier than that of a man looking for marriage – because there are lots of girls available for one night stands with even the ugliest of foreign males, as long as they are even slightly compensated financially. So these lowlifes can easily come to the Philippines and enjoy any kind of sex they like: threesomes, transgenders, gays, fats, skinnies, nymphomaniacs, virgins, children, twins, anal, bestial, whatever. What’s on offer? The answer is simple for these guys: every kind of depravity they can think of.

But now we come to the third and far more complex option in the Philippines:

Relationships that are definitely much more than one night stands and yet are not directed towards marriage, at least at the beginning. This is the category that caused me so much trouble at the beginning.
For instance, I asked myself, is it fair to expect a girl to return your sudden admiration and take an interest in you for a few days or weeks or months and then have you simply move on, not because you are particularly dissatisfied but merely because you weren’t looking for anything permanent in the first place.
I often found that kind of relationship tempting but could never bring myself to fully believe that it was voluntarily “on offer” – that any girl could willingly offer herself to you, perhaps fall in love with you, and not feel at all hurt if you just walked away because you never intended to stay. You had, to employ some old terminology, been “using” her.
The fact is that I was often in a muddle the first few years I spent traveling around in the Philippines. I would see so many attractive, available girls that I wanted to be with, at least for a short period of time, and wondered if that was “on offer.” For instance, if I was to tell them upfront at the very beginning, I am only going to stay with you are long as the sex is good, would they have said Yes. I think many times that option must have been available but I could only rarely convince myself that the girl, no matter how carefree she appeared superficially, was not longing for our relationship to continue.
Which is to say that, ultimately, I don’t think many girls are freely “on offer” outside the first two categories mentioned: the genuine souls hoping for marriage and the lewd ladies merely selling their bodies. There is some ebb and flow between the 3 groups. I have known girls who wanted to get married but finally despaired and became prostitutes and I have known prostitutes who reformed, often because they accidentally met a good guy.
Ultimately, you have to ask yourself as you begin your Philippines safari: Which kind of hunter am I? One looking for the rarest of game, a girl who will love me as I hope to love her? Or a hunter looking to bag as many lame prey as I can, never giving a thought to any poor darling’s feelings? Or, possibly, a hunter muddling along on the middle ground, always trying to take care of the sweet things that smile at me but perhaps not able yet to make the final commitment.
Whichever one you are, one thing is clear: you must know which category you fall into before you hit the ground. Otherwise you are going to commit – and to suffer – a lot of harm.

 A long time writer, Terence founded The British Film Magazine and later traveled the world eventually settling in Thailand for a number of years where he entertained his loyal readers with such books as Thailand Love Talk. For the past several years he has called the Philippines his home, married his sweetheart, Annalyn and became a first time father.

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