Living with a Filipina
Over a year ago I wrote some articles about my experiences Finding Love With a Filipina and as time progressed I had planned to continue with a series on what it is now like Living with a Filipina. Well, on the 28th of March my wife and I will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary so I figured there can be no more procrastination, I should now share my experiences and thoughts.
Living with a Filipina – Introduction
The Realities of an Intimate Relationship In the overall sense, the honest truth is that it has been extremely difficult at times and though my love for my wife is unwavering , I truly have had my doubts that we would make it as a couple. I will not say here that it is her fault , nor will I take full responsibility for our difficulties myself. The real truth is that at some point, our storybook romance had to face the realities of any intimate long term, lasting relationship.Those realities I believe are true for anybody who has the goal of a satisfying , healthy relationship with another.
To give you some background, I myself have had several long term relationships with Western women as well as my fair share of less committed ones. I had got to the point where I just did not believe I would ever be in love again and for all intents and purposes had given up on the possibility. I had grown fiercely independent and to put it mildly , liked to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. If I screwed up, there was only one person to take responsibility and usually only myself to be worried about. I had become quite selfish and liked it that way. Boy, that has been difficult to change, but change it must if a healthy relationship is what I want. I now have to accept the fact that I have to consider some one else’s wants, desires and feelings as equal to my own. I sometimes will have to go to the restaurants that serves the food she likes, the massage parlors she prefers, the family functions that involve videoke until 3 in the morning. I will have to accept that the dog or cat cannot come in the house, a day out in the sun is not going to happen together and that getting involved in a stranger’s problems might put my loved one’s well being at risk. In short I must now re-learn the basics about being in a relationship, with the added problem that I do not understand how she thinks both because she is of that mysterious gender called female , as well as from a culture that obviously sees the world in a whole different light than I have been conditioned to see it in. A daunting task that I admittedly fall short of so many times.
For Shirley, my wife, I believe the issues are quite simple. She just does not have a clue about what it takes to be in a healthy relationship, because she has just never really been in one and as well, she must experience the same confusion of being with a man from a different culture that she just does not understand. She can not comprehend that if you tell some one that you are going to be somewhere at a certain time, you be there at that time or that having empathy and compassion for other living beings is as important as having it for family members. I will go into further detail about some of these cultural differences in later chapters, but for now suffice it to say that as strong as a love can be between two people, being in a relationship with that person who is from a different culture, can be challenging at times. It takes patience, understanding, humility and acceptance. For my part I believe my wife is worth that challenge and will work hard to learn the things I need to in order for our relationship to work.
Living with a Filipina, challenging for sure, but if you have a good one, definitely worth the effort.