Living With a Filipina

Chapter 4

Should I bring her home to Canada?

In this series I am writing about living with a Filipina, this will probaly be an article that generates some polarized opinions. Though that might be the case, I have never been one to shy away from controversy in the hope that various viewpoints can be put forward and discussed in a way that people can benefit from.

What now seems like many years ago, when I first got the idea that maybe somewhere else in the world there might be a woman that I could have a satisfying and meaningful intimate relationship with, I did travel to several South American countries in my search before trying out the Philippines. During that time, I seem to remember that my ultimate goal was that if I did find that woman, I would bring her back to Canada then maybe go back to her home country (in a warmer climate) during Canada’s cold winter months. When I first visitted the Philippines, that plan did not change immediately. I went the normal route as most men and visitted several times and each time I had spent time with some Filipina I had met online in the previous months and speaking bluntly, never found that “one” I wanted to spend the rest of my days with. Of course any thoughts of “where” I would chose to call home, whether it be the Philippines or Canada was simply a non issue.

Enter Shirley! After two weeks with this Filipina, I knew that I wanted to be with her for good and hoping that she felt the same way, asked her to marry me. She did and then the tough decisions that needed to be made came to the forefront. Though I now knew that I would be living with a filipina, the next question that had to be answerred was where. Intrestingly enough and contrary to what I believed most Filipinas wanted, Shirley really had no desire to move to Canada. She was a happy and proud Filipina and though she expressed her desire to explore the world and new countries, she was quite firm in her commitment that the Philippines was her home and always would be.

Over the next year though we went through some pretty tough times and the subject came up numerous times of her going abroad to work and more specifically to Canada, so it became a possibility that I had to consider. To be truthfull, my feelings had changed and when I looked myself in the mirror to see why, I was not real happy.

The ugly truth is that those changes have been brought about because of fear. The first being that I like Shirley just the way she is and I question whether moving to the western world would change her. One of the reasons I love her so much is that she is different, in a good way, from what I was used to with Western women. Would she be so influenced by western women and culture to change her to the point that I simply would not like her anymore? hmmmm. The second question I had for myself was even more disturbing. Once immersed in Western civilization would she still want me?  This thought was strange for me because it has been a long time since I would consider myself insecure or anything resembling co-dependent. Though it had been decades since I had had a meaningful relationship with a woman, it just did not bother me. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life was not scary and independence was something I actually enjoyed.  Recently though, I just cannot picture in my mind a life without Shirley.

Thankfully, we have built a pretty good life for ourselves here in Dumaguete City, so this is a decision that I will not have to face in the near future, but it is clear that I have changed because of love and probaly not for the better. Judging from my look in the mirror, I will have to come to grips with my new found insecurities as well as to learn to have faith in Shirley’s character and love for me.Part of the never-ending process of growing up I guess, lol.

On a closing note, a verse from an old Janice Joplin song came to mind that went something like “Freedom is nothing more than nothing left to lose”. Well now I have something that I just don’t want to lose and that is the love that Shirley and I share.

The Complete Living with a Filipina Series